May 2016 - sheIQ Life

Archive for May 2016 | Monthly archive page

stairway to success #3 | Bronwen Sciortino | sheIQlife | Simplicity Expert | Stress Reduction Resilience Mindfulness | Professional Speaker

First published on Huffington Post – 27 May 2016

What if we’re not an island? …. What if we weren’t meant to ‘go it alone’?

It’s funny, the way we’re conditioned to rely on community but we’re also expected to ‘make it’ on our own.

Today’s way of life sees us funnelled into the drive to success at an early age – disguised under the banner of wanting us to have every advantage. While I have no doubt that this intention is well meaning, it’s created a life of competition, judgement, exhaustion and overwhelm that sees us push ourselves beyond our limits in our quest for success – and we tell ourselves it is so we’ll be set up for our future.

From the second we leave formal schooling – whether that be high school, college, university and so on – we feel the pressure to rise in our career – and quickly! Often after a couple of years out of school we start to fear that we might never amount to much if we haven’t made it already.

We find ourselves constantly busy – there are never enough hours in the day and we often panic about trying to fit everything in and keeping everyone happy. On top of this, you feel the pressure of trying to excel at the requirements of your job so that one day you might be promoted to a better job with more money.

Then there’s the pressure of trying – and feeling like we’re constantly failing – at meeting the same level of commitment that others around us are giving to charitable organisations. You’d love to donate to charitable causes but you feel pressured to meet high standards and it cause you to feel stressed about earning more money.

Where do you turn?

Most of us start trying to work harder – giving everything we have to everyone else in the hopes that someone influential will recognise our efforts. We end up exhausted and secretly terrified that our life will be like this forever.

We can find ourselves turning in every direction – attending every motivational and inspirational event we can find in the hope that it will give us the golden nugget we need to accelerate our success. We’re left feeling like our head is constantly spinning, looking for the way to success – but we don’t really know what success looks like.

We end up resigned to the fact that it will most likely be a slog until we retire.

Googling holidays or planning an escape to live on a remote island where we can be carefree forever starts to appear in our day. We don’t want to be totally honest with ourselves because if we were we’d be completely overwhelmed and have no idea where or how to change things.

What if it doesn’t have to be this way?

What if there’s another way to live – and it doesn’t involve anything more complex than learning to think about things a bit differently?

The first thing to understand is that we’re not alone! A high percentage of the western population live their lives in exactly the same way that we are currently living. We’ve all jumped on the drive and migration to success – just like everyone around us.

For all of the above reasons we should bother with a mentor.

A mentor can help navigate the minefield of life – you get the benefit of learning from their wisdom, experience and knowledge without having to go through all the pitfalls of their journey. A mentor can help you move out of the cycle you’re currently in and onto a different trajectory in life.

BUT – not all mentors are the same and it’s really important that you work with the right people so you can connect with the wisdom and knowledge that is right for you.

How do you find the right mentor for you?

Find someone whose values match with yours

It’s vitally important to find someone who values the same things you do – there’s no point learning from someone who doesn’t place the same importance on things that you do – it won’t get you anywhere.

Find someone who is prepared to share openly with you

The best way for you to learn is from someone who is prepared to share openly with us. You want to make sure that you’re learning from people who are willing to guide you.

Find someone who encourages you to be you

The fastest track to success is always through authenticity. The person you work with should always encourage you to find your own path – if you try to walk someone else’s path in life you take a lot of detours until you find your own.

Find someone who is going to challenge you to grow

Make sure you work with someone who is going to encourage you to try new things, think in new ways, develop yourself and grow your knowledge. Anything else is a nice chat and potentially a nice time but probably won’t help you break out of the cycle you’re in.

 

Want to chat about this? Email me on info@sheiqlife.com or call me on +61 438 624 868 and we’ll set up a time!

If you want to access other tools on living and thinking differently, there are loads of tips and tricks in my book ‘Keep It Super Simple’ – you can buy a copy from www.sheiqlife.com/shop.

 

Bronwen Sciortino is a global thought leader who empowers simple connection and the author of Keep It Super Simple – Tips from a Recovering Perfectionist. Join the conversation by subscribing to the tribe at www.sheiqlife.com; www.facebook.com/sheiqlife or https://au.linkedin.com/in/bronwensciortino.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Pulling Hair (R) | Bronwen Sciortino | sheIQlife | Simplicity Expert | Stress Reduction Resilience Mindfulness | Professional Speaker

First published on Huffington Post – 16 May 2016

You’re a seeker. You’ve invested in yourself and you’ve done some work.

You’ve taken steps, made huge bounds, have way less stress, way more love and you’ve created a life that is totally supportive of your everyday.

And then someone invades your space.

Every button is pushed and every boundary is pressed. Suddenly, your peace and tranquillity is gone and you are under siege in your own life.

Your routine is interrupted, your quiet time now noisy. Your thought process wont flow and the leaps and bounds you’ve been taking suddenly seem to move you backwards.

How did this happen?

Has all your hard work gone – the forward momentum undone?

No – it’s a simple case of slipping back into pre-conditioned responses.

You were conditioned to behave a certain way in certain situations. Your reactions are simply a response to this long term conditioning.

Here’s 5 Simple Steps to end the siege and regain control of your life:

Stepping out of conditioning starts with recognising that you’ve slipped into a pattern.

We’ve been trained to look outside ourselves for our answers. This leads us to a somewhat automated life – we act, react and feel without thinking about it.

What are the things you react to? What are the things that annoy you? What are you thinking and feeling when these things happen? I’ll bet you’re annoyed at what someone else is doing or saying.

The first step to stepping away from this is realising that your reactions, actions and feelings are yours – they’re not caused by someone else – they’re created by you.

In every situation, in every minute of every day – you have a choice how you feel.

The next time someone does something that really gets your fired up – take a moment to remind yourself that in every moment you have the choice to feel better or feel worse. Once you’ve made your choice you can then choose how you want to react, act and feel in that moment.

What’s your favourite song?

Music has been associated with healing, both physically and emotionally, throughout history. Music has long been seen as a prescription for fear and anxiety and also as a powerful tool to restore health and normalcy.

If you’ve ever been to the gym and taken your ‘tunes’ with you, you’ll know that a workout to music often gets you into a groove and helps you to remain engaged with the workout for longer.

When someone invades your space you can change the energy in your body by simply turning to music.

Find your favourite song that gets your blood pumping and your heart singing – crank it up and let yourself connect to the song.

Before you know it you’ll find yourself ‘bopping’ along to the music – your energy completely changed.

The best thing about this step is that it’s free, it’s almost always accessible and it’s totally personal to you so it’s a great way to re-establish your boundaries and stand strongly in your I AM.

What is your escape plan?

One of the best ways to detox from your day is to get outside!

Find your favourite places outside and use them as your bolt hole. When someone walks their toxins through your life and you can feel your buttons being pressed, make sure you make time to get to your favourite place.

It might be the beach. It might be the river. It might be a bush walk. It might be at the back of the paddock at the back of your property. It doesn’t matter where it is – simply find the place where you can relax and breathe in fresh air.

The more you ‘bolt’ to your favourite places, the easier it will be to relax into them. The more you relax into them, the easier it will be to surrender the impact and control that others have in your life.

Remember – how you react, act and feel in any situation is always yours to control!

There are loads of tips and tricks on how to think and live differently in ‘Keep It Super Simple’ – you can buy a copy from my website or call me on +61 438 624 868 to discuss how I can help you to implement small steps to simplify your life.

woman walk (R) | Bronwen Sciortino | sheIQlife | Simplicity Expert | Stress Reduction Resilience Mindfulness | Professional Speaker

First published on Huffington Post – 11 May 2016

We’re all socially conditioned from the time we’re born.

We’re trained to act, react and behave in a manner that is deemed ‘appropriate’, ‘right’ and ‘acceptable’.  We’re conditioned by our family, our friends, our school, our community, our religion, our country, our ethnicity and the list goes on.

As we grow up we’re told who we are, how we are to behave, what to think, where we should live, which care we should drive, what we should ‘become’, who we should date and/or marry and the stories we should tell about all of these things.

We’re shaped, we’re moulded and we’re moulded again until we represent a format that everyone around us is happy with.

The result is a life full of ‘automatic’ moments. Moments where most of us will engage without being conscious – almost as if we are sleep walking. Without even knowing it, we’ve been programmed and our programming has taught us that it is far less painful and more acceptable to others when we don’t wake up.

We shut down our internal thought process and limits our access to our internal knowledge and wisdom. As women we’re taught to question our intellect and live in the smallest version of ourselves possible – to be anything more is to be a threat to those around us.

Don’t rock the boat – don’t tip the boat over!

We’re taught to rely on community – and we’re taught that when we step outside the boundaries given to us we endanger the community as a whole.

We constantly seek feedback from those around us – questioning everything we want until we get a consensus view that tells us which direction is the right way to go.

But what if it’s wrong?

What if we are actually supposed to connect with our inner wisdom to give us our directions? What if we’ve been taught to suppress our reliance on ourselves because it means we can be more easily controlled by others. What if there’s another way to live?

“Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?”

(Danielle LaPorte)

If we’re lucky, we have the opportunity to come across a quote like this one that wakes up our conscious thought and helps us to see things a little bit differently. Some of us will wake up because of a traumatic event – often a near death experience – and realise that our social conditioning has been working against us from day one.

We follow other people because they seem to have something we don’t have.  In reality, we’re following a façade that is handed to us. Unless you actually know the person, there is no way for you to know what their live is actually like.

Every single person living on earth is at their very core simply a person. They are flesh and blood and full of the ups and downs of life – just like everyone else.

Often the only difference is that some people learn to follow their inner wisdom – they connect internally instead of reach externally for the quick fix to every problem.

The truth is that until you learn to be guided by yourself you will spend your days following others. When you follow someone else you will never know whether what you are following is real – or a façade created to guard against the world.

“There’s nothing you need to do, be, have, get, change,  practice or learn in order to be happy, loving and whole”

(Michael Neill)

The world is a big place but today we’re connected easily through technology. There has never been a better time to access the wisdom and knowledge that can teach you to reconnect with yourself.

The first step is yours – will you take it?

There are loads of tips and tricks on how to think and live differently in ‘Keep It Super Simple’ – you can buy a copy from my website  or call me on +61 438 624 868 to discuss how I can help you to implement small steps to simplify your life.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Tired (R) | Bronwen Sciortino | sheIQlife | Simplicity Expert | Stress Reduction Resilience Mindfulness | Professional Speaker

First published on Huffington Post – 8 May 2016

Most of us slog our way through every day.

The alarm goes off after what seems like way too little sleep, we force ourselves out of bed and out into the day.

We’re constantly sick and bordering on exhaustion. We lack motivation, drive and energy. We drive ourselves to the brink because our social conditioning has taught us that ‘life wasn’t meant to be easy’ and we have to ‘work hard to get ahead’.

Our time is very rarely our own.

‘I’m so busy’ has become the pre-requisite for proving that your life is a success.

We get out of bed in the morning and work really hard to polish our ‘busy badges’ until they shine. We proudly pin them to our lapel and then go out into the day to see what else we can add to our schedule that will make our badges gleam even brighter. We’re totally consumed by the ‘busy-off’ we’re caught in, but most of us aren’t even conscious that we’re competing for the title.

Sure we’re sick, tired, exhausted and often run down, but we power through so that we can show how resilient and tough we are; after all, we’ve got a busy trophy to win and slowing down would be automatic disqualification from the game.

It doesn’t matter that we’re totally overwhelmed by how much ‘stuff’ we have on the go at any one time. We have a thousand balls in the air and our inner critics are devastatingly harsh if perchance we drop one. Often we aren’t conscious that we’ve taken on too much until something happens to bring us up short.

When was the last time you stopped to look at what you’re actually busy with? What if being busy is just a fad – and, like all fads, doesn’t serve you well – in fact may be slowly and quietly killing you?

If you sat down and gave names to all the balls you have in the air right now, what would you say about them? Are they worthwhile activities? Do they enrich your life? Are they things you’re doing because you couldn’t say ‘No?’ or are they things you’re doing because you didn’t know how to say ‘No?’ Do you want to be doing them? If you could take your pick from the list, which ones would you choose?

Often we’re so caught up in the competition of being busy that we end up doing many things we don’t want to do, and very few of the things that we love and that really enrich our lives. We drain our energy and drive ourselves to the brink of exhaustion by running around being everything to everyone and ignoring our own needs.

Worse still, we’re so busy being caught in the competition of being busy that we don’t stop to ask the questions we should ask – the ones that can really change our lives, change our direction and change our health and wellbeing.

Busy is a badge that we can put down.

Instead of saying ‘Yes’ to everything, test new requests and opportunities with the question ‘how does this feel?’ If it helps you to quit the struggle in your life and brings a sense of relief then you can be pretty sure it’s a good thing for you to being doing. If there’s an ounce of struggle associated with it then you need to question whether you should be adding it to your life.

This process means you can make conscious decisions about what happens in your life. Being more conscious with our decision making will mean we can choose to fill our lives with activities that re-energise us rather than drain us.

Our social conditioning has driven us to the life we lead today. It’s our choice as adults whether we continue on that same path or choose to alter our lives and live in a different way.

What choice will you make today?

There are loads of tips and tricks on how to think and live differently in ‘Keep It Super Simple’ – you can buy a copy from my website or call me on +61 438 624 868 to discuss how I can help you to implement small steps to simplify your life.

SheiqLife Logo | Bronwen Sciortino | sheIQlife | Simplicity Expert | Stress Reduction Resilience Mindfulness | Professional Speaker
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